so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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