He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
