she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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