it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
