He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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