Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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