She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
