When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize