went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
