you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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