At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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