im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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