umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
