so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
