If i could tip my vagina, i would.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
