his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
