Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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