god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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