I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
