I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
