i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
