my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
