SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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