I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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