why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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