I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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