Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
