Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
