please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Green mimosas i think yes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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