Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize