i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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