I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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