i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
