I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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