dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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