I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Pappa wants mamma naked
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
