I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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