I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize