nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
