What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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