Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
