Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sobbing to NWA
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