i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
