2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
