i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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