when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
