Just cropdusted the office
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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