i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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