My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
