You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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