R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
