Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
