I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
