I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
