yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
