I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
