What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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