you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think people are normalizing furries
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
