thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
