my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
