I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
