Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
