just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
