Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize