i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
