he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
