can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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