sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
