Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
