So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize