ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
