I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
