I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
