Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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