i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
