when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
