remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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