dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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