Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
