I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
