Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
