that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she woke up with a sticky ear
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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