Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
