I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
