I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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