ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
